Still Struggling

I think it goes without saying that I can be a bit of a quitter, I can be extremely weak, and I'm way too affected by my surroundings. So, even though this probably won't work because I'm awful at doing this (as we can see by previous posts), I'm gonna try one more thing before facing the facts that I'm no longer destined to be skinny mini me.

Back story:

I've never had trouble with my weight -- for about sixteen years I was the same, steady skinny track that I'd always been on. I also, however, played soccer and softball each for a few years, then did dance for a good four years. So when my studio closed at the end of my freshman year of high school, I just couldn't bring myself to find a new studio and fell off the in-shape wagon. To my honest surprise, I began gaining weight, slowly at first. I didn't ever notice the progression because it took a few years to get where I am now at 19 years. Now, I'm not obese by any means, but I am over-weight. And let me just say, it sucks. But no matter how much I hate it, I still find myself lacking motivation. I think it may be because I don't have to look at myself very much (avoiding mirrors is pretty conducive to not having to look at yourself).

But, despite my laziness, my mom and I went ahead and bought a gym membership for the summer because I'm getting really sick of looking at all the "skinny bitches" (that I could've been had I kept working out) and wishing I looked like them instead of how I look now (or feeling like I'm not sexy, or unattractive for my bf, or however you want to put it. How I feel = lacking self-confidence, and it's purely because of my weight gain).

I'd also, before I get into my thoughts, like to just throw out there that I'm not saying I hate myself (so please don't go preaching to me about how I have to love myself and blah blah blah. I couldn't care less). In my humble opinion, loving myself is getting myself into a better, healthier shape, which I'm nowhere close to now. I don't have a good diet and I don't exercise whatsoever. So, really, if I kept the same number on the scale but was more toned and didn't have so many rolls, I would be absolutely ecstatic. But that's not the case, so I'm doing this:

I am going to suck up all the embarrassment that this may cause me and just push it all aside. What I'm going to do is keep a diet/exercise journal outside of the internet and once a week, I will take a few hours to update how my week has gone, log my journal entries on here, and post new pictures of my personal progress (yes, lucky you, you get to see me in my sports bra and panties. Hope you like chub, because it's not that flattering for me.) Oh, and also I'm trying to get rid of the discoloration that has happened with stretch marks all over my legs, so I'll be posting about how those are going and what I'm using to make them better. That all being said, here are my pre-workout and pre-stretch mark lightening photos:

Pre-Workout:

Pre-Lightening:

I would hope this goes without saying, but some people don't know better: don't be a dick; please keep your insults to yourself because this is my attempt to try to better myself and change from this to someone who you wouldn't make fun of, so just hold all that negativity in.